Sex toys are great, but whipping one out in the heat of the moment is probably not the vibe your new partner was after.
No one asked for a surprise dildo, mmkay.
Most of us have been there and asked the question, "do I have to throw my sex toys away?" when entering a new and exciting relationship. At the very least, we hide them. Only the most confident people about leave their sex toys out where they usually live, within reach, because they have had no competition before. But some new partners may find the discovery of your rabbit vibrator or fleshlight in your top drawer a little bit jarring.
Welcome to our guide, the do's and don't's of introducing your sex toy (or toys), to your new and healthy relationship. Just as a head's up, we think sex toys are a great addition to any relationship. They are totally normal and have probably taught you how to achieve the best sex possible for yourself - so why wouldn't you want to share that with your new SO?
It's no big deal!
In case you didn't pay attention before, sex toys are normal. They are fun, mutually beneficial and part of the recipe for a healthy sex life. They also allow you to get exactly what you want out of your stimulation games. Now we've got that out of the way, again, let's move on.
Gently gently does it.
If you want to jump straight in and be upfront about your use of sex toys, and don't want to wait, there are definitely different ways to say it. There's a massive difference between "here's my butt plug, deal with it" and "would you be open to anal play?". Be gentle and honest about it. Honesty in sexual relationships is fantastic and only makes the pleasure better, as both parties feel comfortable enough to discuss their likes and dislikes and what makes your body tick.
Consider their feelings and be open to their reactions.
Your new partner may immediately have a knee jerk reaction to meeting your sex toys, or even the suggestion of a sex toy. People can easily feel like they aren't good enough in bed for you (because that's obviously why we use sex toys - not.) Be patient with your partner and make it clear that your sex toy is not competition for them, it's merely a tool for fun sex. You may not be able to orgasm without toy clitoral stimulation, prostate massage or a huge rabbit vibrator that is doing three different things at once while the stars all align. It's important to explain clearly and compassionately that you know what you like, and it's taken exploration to get there, and want to have the best sex ever with THEM - and that's why you're sharing. It's your responsibility to not take their potential alarmed reaction to heart (unless they are straight up butthead about it, then there's your first warning sign).
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
When you're honest about your sexual preferences, you are opening yourself up to hurt. That's being vulnerable. When you show you're vulnerability, your partner is more likely to show theirs. When you two are on the same side, you can get ready for the best sex of your life. No one is just able to create mind-blowing sex the first time, everything can always be improved with communication, trust and yes - the best sex toys for your partnership.
Remember, they may never have used sex toys in a relationship before.
While most adults have used a sex toy by the time they are thirty, not many may have used them confidently as part of their relationship before. The old-school stigma of toys, or a previous partner's reaction to sex toys might have conditioned your new partner to believe they are something shameful and seedy. If this is the case, then your confidence with the subject can only free them up and give them confidence, too. Go slowly and with consideration as their mind changes or their confidence grows.
Buy them a sex toy they show interest in.
If you are trying to convince your partner to let you use the best sex toys for you that you like, then it's definitely worth finding something they like, too - even if the toy isn't for you! This is hugely important. The best sex is a game of give and take. Gifting a sex toy to your partner that they have shown interest in during your conversations is one of the most considerate things you can do for a sexual relationship, it shows them that their pleasure is hugely important to you - and you want to help them make that happen. Don't be put off if your partner suddenly wants to try a pleasure cup, dildo, butt plug, or something that wasn't on your radar before. You've made your preferences clear, now you have to be open to theirs. Introducing waterproof toys to the mix also means you two can get frisky in the shower or bath, which is fun for anyone but remember, always buy good quality sex toys made of silicone or body-safe plastics. The last thing you want is to gift your new partner something that leaves a sting.
Teach them how to use your sex toy.
Nothing kills confidence like being handed a g spot vibrator and told to "go for it". They can't wave this magic wand and replicate the movements you've spent time perfecting, after all, no penis or vagina is the same as another. If you know what you like, you're going to need to show them. This can be sexy in itself, there's a reason that lots of folks like watch their other half's masturbate. Whether your goal is clitoral stimulation or internal p/g spot orgasm, talk them through it (not like school, have fun with it) and SHOW them. This can take some guts from you, too, if you aren't used to performing, but we'll wager you enjoy it as much as they do.
Your partner just might not be into it.
Look, this is a total possibility. Couples sex with or without sex toys is totally normal, and we're not going to shout down from our high horse that anyone is missing out. That isn't fair, and your partner won't thank you for it, either. If they are sure they don't want to entertain sex toy play, you are going to have to accept it. That doesn't mean that you should have to compromise on being allowed to use your sex toy on your own time, that's still totally yours to own and if they have a problem with it, then it's really up to you whether this person is right for you, or not.